Cell phone
by ArcherHana
Summary: An experiment of Division 12 goes completely wrong...


**_Cell phone_**

* * *

1

Choujirou sighs again: the stubbornness of Yamamoto-soutaichou really annoys him, now. More than a dozen messages send to him. He has yet to answer any of them. He sends another, swift message, but sighs deeply when the inbox remains empty. Perhaps he should explain everything again...

But first things first.

He carefully rests the hot cup of tea on the cluttered, yet organized desk. He stands beside the desk and waits. As expected, after he has stamped the corner of the paper and has laid it on the big pile of the finished stack, he answers whatever he had send to him. Choujirou suppresses the urge to groan. What use will this experiment have if one refuses to corporate? The point of all this is to be actively involved with the process, yet Yamamoto-soutaichou only uses it to see incoming messages and calls and never bothers to answer them when Choujirou was not within hearing reach.

Yes... he _will _explain this again. But perhaps he should use less British terms...

* * *

2

Soifon will never use the other functions.

In her opinion, texting will always be much more faster than waiting for the lazy, slow and stupid fukutaichou to find his own one and answer her call. Swift, nimble fingers cruises over the buttons and a thumb quickly pushes the send button, her other hand writing a report – doing multiple things at once is mandatory for someone such as herself, and not all difficult, as some will claim. They remain poor excuses.

She smirks, but waits impatiently for the fat idiot to receive her message. The more she grows impatient and frustrated, the more she uses bold letters and the caps lock.

Omaeda doesn't understand – surprise, surprise...he doesn't dare to call her taichou – otherwise she would have _called _him first. The swine is likely thinking this to be a test of his abilities or maybe her thinking of replacing him. Is it so difficult to decipher the characters?

She throws the thing at him as soon as he enters. At least he's smart enough not to dodge, that will make everything much more worse.

She sighs as he tumbles down and remains lying on the floor. Is he so useless that a mere cellphone can render him unconscious? Unbelievable. She marches past him, flinging the words to the first person she meets.

"You, go to my office and take that swine to Division Four!"

* * *

3

Kira has lost. Taichou has figured everything out. Initially, he didn't think anything about it. In hindsight, he should have been suspicious and careful whenever he used it. He startles when it bellows loudly. Somehow, he can't change this. The volume can't be turned down. His taichou constantly calls him, wanting 'to chat', even in the middle of the night or during times he knows Kira is busy with sensitive matters or in a meeting. Kira steels himself – he has needed a few days – and accidentally drops the thing in the river, far away from Seireitei. The gloomy mood hasn't changed, but as expected, his taichou has become even more mischievous afterwards. What has Kira done to himself?

* * *

4

As expected, Retsu knows exactly how everything works. Fast in texting without making mistakes, making good use of the call function and texting. Whichever method will be faster will be the preferred method. She even uses those adorable, yellow faces sometimes. But the peculiar thing remains: the faces didn't appear, but she'd entered the correct punctuation, letters and in the correct order. But she send them anyway – Isane would understand what she meant. And she seems to prefer texting.

Isane could talk to her taichou and work at the same time, but did experience difficulties clamping it on her shoulder, as Kiyone had shown to her. It made her even drop it, once, and she accidentally stepped on it. The phone rings and she quickly opens the mail and she snorting amusedly: her taichou is still sending her whole message cramped in the '_subject_' spot.

* * *

5

They both enjoy it, but both for different reasons, he thinks. Sousuke uses few emoticons – mostly the laughing one with the absurd large glasses or the happy, grinning face. He prefers texting. He takes temptation and many messages, but Momo has started to enjoy this... but perhaps a little bit too much, One eye behind his glasses twitches when he returns and flips his phone open: _five new messages_.

He has only taken a short break to the bathroom. No matter, he will have to swallow this too. This is _partially _his own fault, after all. At least Momo isn't following him everywhere and insists, no demands, to help him with everything.

Perhaps he has gone a bit too far with his.. manipulations and games with this fragile, innocent, but _perfect _young woman.

* * *

6

Renji has really no idea what to do. Actually, he has no idea what he's doing now. But one thing he knows: whatever he'll do, he'll lose. Even worse, he must make the first move, so the fault will be, by default, his. Already two days has passed and Kuchiki-taichou hasn't even touched that thing. Or perhaps he refuses to participate? But why would he always lay his phone in such a way it would be very visible for Renji to see, as if taunting him? It is always the first thing he notices whenever he enters the office...

Why must taichou be such a difficult person to read? Renji has no idea what he expects from him. Man, they aren't compatible a good team at all.

Renji can't find the courage to use the phone. He has to wait for the impossible to happen – his own phone ringing, or facing another lecture from the soutaichou... and then another one from his own taichou.

Why has no one told him being a fukutaichou is far from having it easy?

* * *

7

Sajin gently grabs the phone – such a small and fragile thing, the third one actually. In one day – better than yesterday, at least. He manages, but needs a bit more time. His fingers need time to get used to bending them in new ways, but he must see this as training. He must see the bright side of things. He opens the thing. He shows no different expression, but his ears does flap a bit.

He mentally sighs again. It seems he must talk to Tetsuzaemon about this, _again. _He patiently waits for his loyal fukutaichou to enter and resists the urge to flop of his mask and lick his paws. Fortunately, and as expected, he announces his entrance swiftly, if a bit too noisily. "Reporting in for paperwork, taichou!"

"Yes, you've already told me five minutes ago, Tetsuzaemon." Sajin very, _very_ carefully taps his phone. No cracks. Good. His fingers are improving.

"Huh." His mood faded a bit. He quickly flourishes his phone out and bangs on the buttons with too much force. But the peculiar thing is, his phone hasn't broken once, but his _own_... well...has. Several times.

As expected, he doesn't look shocked or surprised when he views his own messages, and thus, he ignores the caps lock he's used.

* * *

8

Shunsui loves this, especially the vibrating function. He has set it to the loudest one, and turns of the boring tune. He constantly texts to cute Nanao-chan. It will save him much papers scribbled with passioned declarations of love and admiration and a numb hand, and his voice wouldn't become a little scratched from his singing and bellowing to get her attention. And, more importantly, Nanao-chan doesn't have a reason any more to ignore them – there may be an important notice buried in his messages. She can't rebuke him or strike his poor, sad, heartbroken taichou. She's far too prim and serious, and she takes this experiment very seriously. Too seriously. His grin widens. This is perfect. Oh, he's so brilliant.

The phone vibrates against his chest. He lazily scratched his chest until he feels the coolness on the surface and raises the thing to his face, fingers already pushing the buttons to read her response.

Even if they're brusque and far too professional and to the point, he finds every one of them absolutely charming. He only wishes Nanao-chan will call _him_ for a change, and not only respond to him.

And he refuses to delete any of them.

* * *

9

It's a bit difficult for Kaname to use it – Kurotsuchi-taichou refuses to modify one of them to suit his...needs. Hisagi – the poor man – has properly explained to him what each button represented and the exact lay-out of this object. He has memorized every step and possibility of the menu, and all possible outcomes.

He grasps the phone, thinks back one more time of the correct sequence and performs it flawlessly, his fingers padding over the buttons and stopping just at the right spots. He waits for a few moments, but doesn't hear the tune – again! – when Hisagi has send him a test message or feels the phone vibrating. Hisagi hasn't responded, at all.

He sighs.

For the umpteenth time, he repeats the sequence again. He will _not _give up. Blindness isn't a reason for him failing this experiment.

He's in the middle of his next attempt to success when he hears Hisagi quietly entering the office. He quickly turns his face to a neutral expression – Hisagi doesn't need to see his frustration and very irrational anger at an object. Hisagi doesn't greet him, but walks towards him and stops closely beside him. A longer silent occurres.

"Taichou?" He turns towards him. Perhaps he has remembered something wrong.

"Hisagi...could you tell me how this...small calling device worked, exactly?"

Another moment of silence, this one a more uncomfortable one.

"Eh, taichou? You should first undo the blocking of the buttons before you can begin... and you're holding your cellphone upside-down."

...Ah, of course. He knows that...

* * *

10

This is ridiculous. It serves no purpose, there's nothing wrong with the current uses of communications and Toushirou believes communicating face to face is much more effective than communicating via a device. Often time, body language, micro-expressions and sensations will unconsciously leak out more valuable information and tell him much more than their voice or a written message alone. The latter two makes everything seem so shallow, so _cold_, as if the recipient doesn't deserve their full attention.

If the soutaichou hasn't ordered this, this _farce, _he would've frozen the damned thing the moment it was handed to him.

He growls again when a new message arrives and glares at Matsumoto. She quickly hides her phone and pretends to read an upside-down report. He deepens his glare and thinks he hears his brush in his hand cracking a bit from the coldness floating away from his fingertips. It seems she's determined about this 'only talking to taichou through phone' operation. Toushirou gruntes and glares at his own phone, then back to Matsumoto.

This is nothing. He'd survived worse horrors from her. He will win this, too, without giving into her childish requests and remaining civilized and professional. He _will _survive this.

* * *

11

Yachiru enjoyes this, no she absolutely _loved _this! It even has a game in it – or at least, Yachiru thinks it's a game. A few pushes against the buttons and after you're done, push the green button and wait for Ken-chan's to ring. But Ken-chan seems very annoyed, though. He isn't angry with her, but Yachiru thinks it's very strange for Ken-chan not to be playing too. He only grumbles, grabs his sword and stamps away. Yachiru blinks, her smile fading bit, but then notices his phone. Yachiru hops towards it, grabs it and grinned widely.

Let's play more games!

* * *

13

There's definitely some major advantages in using them. Kaien seems to be outside most of the time and he... much less. It's a perfect way to always reach the other, for trivial or important things.

Throughout the week, Juushiour grew more and more enthusiastic and he likes this method more and more. He absolutely adored the smileys. He makes sure the smiling ones and the thumbs-up are used in almost every message. Even more pleasant is that Kaien also uses a few smileys, usually the big grin and the winking one.

It amused Juushirou. This brings his thoughts away from the... _tiny _mistake he might have made. He seems to be too enthusiastic, and uses too much energy that he notices the signs of fever too late. Unohana-san has gently, but firmly taken the phone from him, but Kaien has secured a new one for him – how, he wouldn't want to say. But he will worry about that later: he _loves _this too much. He also ignores the trembling voice inside his head whispering that Unohana-san will _not _be amused when she notices what Juushirou is doing behind her back and without her permission.

This will _so _be worth it!


End file.
